Archive for March, 2006

i can crochet — kind of

Posted on March 31, 2006. Filed under: Uncategorized |

I'm determind to crochet an afghan. It shouldn't be too hard, right?

I bought a book with patterns, wool, the hooks, and ripped a free sheet on learning how to crochet off of the wall at Wal-Mart.

I was complaining to Brian last night, after 2 unsuccessful attempts that it just wasn't quite working and he suggested you know, learning, how to do it. Or starting with something a little less ambitious than a blanket. But I figure that if I'm going to be able to do it, I want to just go.

On the third attempt I think I was getting better (I undid 2 chains so far at this point). When my mom saw me undoing it she said "you know, there are these things called samplers…"

Come on people — a blanket is just a really big sampler, isn't it?

So I then figured out the lingo in the pattern book — rather cryptic with all of its sk, sc, dc etc.

AND I successfully completed 3 rows of the blanket! Yay! It's a bit wobbly, but that will just add character, right?

Too bad I've been neglecting my editing contract and school work to focus on this, but I blame still recovering from Monday — still don't have my strength back from the tube in nose incident.

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who knew at tube in the nose could be such an unpleasant experience?

Posted on March 29, 2006. Filed under: The Dyingness |

Well, as fun as the small bowel enema was, I really don’t recommend it to anyone. Honestly. The Catscan and the Colonoscopy were a piece of cake compared to this.

My mom had to go to a funeral yesterday morning so my dad dropped me off at the hospital (mom came a while later and I found her so she could come sit with me while I waited for the few minutes before they came to take me in — and they actually took me in pretty much right away). The doctor and team of 5 radiologists explained that they would be passing a tube through my nose and down into my stomach, then the hard part came when they would try to find the small intestine.

Good enough. I figured I could do this. I mean after not eating for so long and getting all “prepped” there was no way in hell I was backing out. So, after the little bit of freezing (that wore off after 30 seconds) in goes the tube.

It doesn’t feel that bad on its way into the stomach. In fact I could only really feel the pain in my nose and I actually got used to the pain after a while. It’s when they try to find the entrance into the small intestine.


They are directing this tube that is now tangled in your body by moving it around through my nose. I was in tears for most of the time.

“It’s okay sweetie. Hold my hand. Squeeze”. The technicians kept telling me.

They were all very sweet.

Then after the 6th or 7th time of the doctor not being able to get the tube to go where he wanted it to he was about to give up.

Now, I was thinking in my head, there’s no way I got this far and have gone through this much pain for you to give up.

I honestly closed my eyes and envisioned what I thought the process looked like. I pictured the tube going through the stomach and smoothly entering the intestine. Sheer will and determination guided that tube into the right place because I swear at that instant he said “we’ve got it”.

Suddenly I flash back to swimming lessons two summers in a row and I’m 6 or 7 or 8 and I’m going to fail unless I do a back float, which I do on the last day and the instructor has to change the report card and dig out a badge to attach. I always get things done in the nick of time.

Now comes the 12 syringes full of barium that slide cooly down the throat and directly into the intestine. This is definitely the easy part.

Once he’s flipped me a hundred times and I’m feeling radioactive from the 40 some odd shots he must have taken, he slips the tube back out and the girls in the room tell me that I’ve done a good job.

He then holds up the tube that was just running unnaturally throughout my body to say “do we keep these?”

I think: “um, no”.

Thankfully the nurses said “no”.

“Oh, we used to keep them and reuse them” he replies.

Which makes me wonder how long it has been since he’s performed one of these procedures.

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he was like a camera, she would be film

Posted on March 26, 2006. Filed under: Friends, Music, The boy(s) |

I saw Craig Cardiff play on Thursday at Hugh's Room in Toronto (which was a very cool venue). I just went by myself as I had to cancel the last two times so I decided to wait until the day of to make sure I could go and then my only efforts in trying to find someone was sending out an email and making one phone call to a friend who I thought would enjoy it — though she was already engaged with a coldplay show — wow musical overload for that night 🙂

So, while sitting there waiting for the show to start I was thinking about how I first started listening to Craig's music and it actually is an interesting(ish) story.

My crazy-psycho housemate in third year introduced me to 1 track of his called Grandma. This is such a fantastic song that I was immediately hooked and found more of his stuff online; Judy Garland to be the next favourite that I found.

Now Craig frequented the University scenes across Ontario. A wise decision on his behalf. So many students available many of whom who have the money to spend on going to shows and to the bar AND who have student housing in which to through livingroom shows.

By the time I had heard him play over the drunken shouting at Alfie's a few times I decided that I really, really wanted to have him come and play at my house. I was dating Brian at this time and he also enjoyed coming to the shows and loved the music.

So I chatted briefly with Craig at Alfie's about it and then emailed to set it up. I was SO excited!

It took a while to set up (maybe a month to find a date and to clear it with my housemates) and in the meantime I had been overloading on a few select songs because things with Brian were going downhill and well, lots of Craig's songs spoke to how I was feeling. Especially Lion and the Dragon, Albion Hotel, Afraid, even Judy Garland (I'll have to start posting a few favourite lyrics). And then all of the songs that you end up replaying because of associations with the person who you know is about to end things.

I totally remember when Craig called for the first time to make sure we were on for the show. I was so excited and nervous to call back.

Brian ending things a week or two before the show at my house, which added to the impact of Craig coming.

The day of the show I remember killing our 5th vacuum. It just died. I had moved all of the furniture and made a "stage" and then the vacuum died. I had to go and borrow one from Dustin's place. We never did replace that vacuum and lived in the house for another 8 months or so.

I know that EVERYONE was coming to the show. I sold at least 50 tickets and had everyone crammed into our livingroom, dining room, and kitchen.

And Craig was late.

Like 2 hours or maybe 3 late.

People were starting to get a little stir crazy and I was getting worried that he wouldn't come.

Finally, he appeared, candles were found and people were quiet. It was such a great night. By then I was no longer nervous and just enjoyed hanging out with Craig and his girlfriend Danielle (who came along because she was worried that he was going to a house that he didn't know anyone at and so she wanted to make sure he'd be okay). It was amazing just watching how much in love with him she was as she sat in the hallway, on the floor, and drank in the music.

The livingroom show was a hit and a few hours later the craziness was over. But that was definitely one of my favourite nights and then I realized that all of Craig's shows have been such good nights and have had odd circumstances surrounding them. Every single one.

I was excited to have gone to the last show because the 2 times before I had tickets and both times I was just too ill to attend. It was nice to know that maybe I'm starting to get a little bit better and I can return to normal in terms of going out more and having a bit more energy. Fingers crossed!

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i’m starving

Posted on March 26, 2006. Filed under: The Dyingness |

Stupid test at the hospital tomorrow means no eating anything today. I’m so hungry! AND the test isn’t until 1:30 tomorrow (IF they’re on time this time WHICH I doubt they will be) so I’m going to be starving. I don’t even know what fun food I can take with me for afterwards. I made cookies yesterday but I really want a yummy sub or something dripping with wheat and grease and dairy and then lots of sugar for dessert. I think my body would go into shock! Haha.

I can feel the irritability from lack of food kicking in. And what’s even more frustrating is that they probably won’t find anything at all AND I feel bad taking so much time off work lately.

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osteopath was very cool and i’m not sure if i talked to anyone?

Posted on March 22, 2006. Filed under: Family, The Dyingness |

I finally went to see an osteopath about the dyingness and he confirms that my digestive tract is definitely shot to hell. It was cool though because he found parts that weren’t working well and where I’ve had a lot of pain but I didn’t mention to anyone else (because I didn’t want them to think I was crazy). Anyway, it was nice to have confirmation that something is wrong. We don’t know what it is, but he’s going to work on revitalizing the organs and making them work again. But it totally explains why, if everything in my body isn’t working, I’ve felt like crap and since it’s the GI tract, it explains my tongue grossness as well.

He did ask about emotional trauma and the only thing I can think of that actually fits exactly into my timeline for ill health was the passing of my grandparents within 6 months of one another. I don’t really buy into emotional stuff affecting your digestive tract, but perhaps there could have been a trigger somewhere. Anyway, I emailed him that so we’ll see what he makes of it.

I was then talking to Brian and he asked if I ever talked to anyone about my grandparents’ deaths…and well, I can’t remember. I must have though, right? I mean there were a few important people that I wasn’t speaking to at that point in life (including Brian and another ex), and I don’t typically talk about things like this when they happen. Not in detail anyway — and I don’t think it’s a be strong thing I think it’s an I don’t want to thing… But I can’t remember. Honestly. Do you remember if I talked to you? 


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what do you believe in? God is no where. God is now here. (Hey Nostradamus)

Posted on March 21, 2006. Filed under: Politics |

Religion and beliefs came up a few times last week (as they inevitably seem to do). And while always controversial, I’m going to take a stab at relaying the outcome of some of the conversations from last week.

I’m all for anyone believing whatever they want if they don’t try to convert people. It’s the converting people and forcing beliefs upong someone else that I think is what makes me feel like a lot of those “believers” out there aren’t thinking critically about anything and are following along blindly. You may think your beliefs are the best ones out there but if you haven’t realized that they don’t work for everyone then you haven’t thought critically about them or why you believe them.

Religion is the opiate of the masses.

I can’t get past the idea that perhaps the whole bible thing is a collection of stories and nothing more. Just like the pagan mythologies beforehand. People truly believed in those too.

The thing is I could totally see how there could be an existence of a “God” or some sort of power or being that brought the world into fruition. And I can see why people would want to believe in that. Totally can. So then I started to think that maybe I just don’t believe in anything. Is it possible to go through your life and not have beliefs? It can’t be. There’s no way, no matter how far out on the fringes of society you place yourself that you can exist without beliefs.

Then we come to the crisis.

When asked last week: What do you believe in then?

The only thing that could come to mind was critical thinking. I believe in not being an idiot and no matter what your beliefs are to prove that you have thought critically and not just defensively about them.

I had a friend who’s boyfriend was in bible college and every discussion we entered into about the bible if I were to ask him why something was this way or that way he would always reply “because God said so”.

That is not an answer.

That is nowhere near an answer.

That can be a belief, but to me “because God said so” does not indicate that you have thought about why he said so or what the affects of this statement really have on you as a person.

Maybe you have assessed all the facts and the only answer you can find is “because God said so”. Great. Works for me. Just please don’t be using it as a fallback plan so that you don’t have to concern your pretty little mind with the woes of the world.

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i’m going to start to ignore the dyingness if i can

Posted on March 19, 2006. Filed under: The Dyingness |

Well, the GI successfully asked me all of the same questions this week with disinterest. He also answered a personal phone call and didn’t say anything like “excuse me, I have to take this” or “sorry” when he got off the phone.

I was unimpressed.

He was also mad that I’m not eating gluten (even though it makes me reel over in pain if I have it) and finally referred me to a rheumatologist (though not the one I wanted to see — the one next door and so far my luck with the doctors within this little clique has not been favourable). I also get to go for another diagnostic. Yay — fun 😦

This one they put a tube down your nose all the way to your small intestine and there’s only a 15-20% chance that it will show something when the other tests I’ve had didn’t.

When I got home after dropping the requisition off at the hospital on Wednesday they had me booked in for this coming Monday. I freaked! There’s no way I was mentally prepared to go tomorrow. I mean it’s great that they could to it so quickly, but come on!

So I was able to move it to the Monday after that, but have to take even MORE time off work. I haven’t been there for a full 5 day work week this year at all I don’t think…

Fingers crossed they don’t fire me 🙂

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back to life brianless, well just for a few months

Posted on March 19, 2006. Filed under: The boy(s) |

I just dropped Brian off at the airport (again). I guess I should be happy he can afford to come home at all, but it does make for a strain on a new relationship (even though it’s technically an old one too…). We watched Walk the Line last night and it was fantastic! Then we were pseudo-old; he played piano and read while I started knitting. I know. Old. But I guess that’s okay.

We went for dinner at a friend’s place on Thursday and it was great to hang out and reminisce. I had forgotten how much attitude she and I had growing up. We’ve been great friends since we were 3 and I guess that automatically means getting into a lot of trouble. I had forgotten about things like the crazy cake fight at her house at the party when her parents were away and when she drove without a license. Plus how mean we were to our bus drivers as kids. Little hooligans. Haha. It was fun to go back in time that far and Brian actually enjoyed learning a bit more about what made me into whoever I am now.

Luckily my parents were gone this weekend so the two of us moved into my house and spent some time in the village nearby. We went into a shop there that I’d never been in (and I’ve pretty much lived here forever except for when I went to school). It was a neat little Canadiana arts store supporting local artists. It inspired me to be more crafty, hence the knitting 🙂

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casino rama with the fam and lord of the dance, finally

Posted on March 16, 2006. Filed under: Family, Travelling |

Well, my aunt finally got me to go to the casino with her (bingo and gambling seem to be her life…). Anyway my mom and I went up and got to see Lord of the Dance, which I’ve always wanted to see. We were super far away but the tickets were free and it was all right because really the theatre is just way too big for anyone to be able to see properly. i’ve never been in anything like it. Then we gambled on the nickle slots (in non smoking section of the casino which happens to be at the very back after you walk through all of the disgusting smoke!). I got 670 credits in one click of the button and ended up making $25! My cousin also won $149. The next morning my aunt got up and started talking to us (all of us were still sleeping). She just kept going. Wow. I didn’t know someone could ramble so much! The hotel was gorgeous though! Definitely worth the trip just to see the hotel. After the show the dancers were all in the bar with us because, well, there’s nowhere else to go! All in all a successful night out I suppose. Oh and I finally got my mom drunk — well, giggly and tipsy anyway 🙂

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where did the stats graph go?

Posted on March 10, 2006. Filed under: Stats |

I just went to see my stats and there is now a non-descript bar graph with the information Block A, Block B and then the years 2003-2005 separated. What, may I ask does this mean? I just want my pretty little line graph with all of the numbers of visitors. Or an explanation of the bar graph… I’m assuming it’s just a glitch. Let me know if you have it too on your wordpress blog…

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