Archive for September, 2006

a possible link, i hope.

Posted on September 29, 2006. Filed under: Family |

I contacted the orphanage my grandfather was in and they replied saying they do searches for family members and can compile a package of information. Who knows if they’ll find anything, but i’m totally going to see if they can! In the email they indicate that the wait list for such searches are 300 people long and take from 3-6 months and then you can ask for a package of more information if the search turns anything up. It’s 25 GBP, so I’m going to go for it…just have to do it in the next 6 weeks or I’ll be booted off the list!

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um…

Posted on September 28, 2006. Filed under: Stats |

My stat counter was at 14,000 plus…and today is suddenly at zero, which makes me sad. Please tell me this will be fixed!

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i have a plan

Posted on September 28, 2006. Filed under: The boy(s) |

And it goes like this. I’m not sure if I was freaking out about moving in with Brian as the immediate plan for moving out (again) of my parent’s place. I’m also never going to be able to afford to buy a house. So, my plan that I came up with today is this:

To rent, after the winter when the weather is nicer, a place closer to work and closer, or in the city — something on the outskirtsish that I can actually afford and won’t take half or more of my monthly salary to pay for because I couldn’t stomach that. This way, I will see if I will like living in the city before committing to buying a house AND Brian and I can live CLOSER to one another and have one of those more normal, see each other when you can, don’t when you can’t relationships that I aspire to.

And I won’t feel like I have to move from here directly in with him as the only logical next step.

And I feel really happy about this discovery and hope to stick to the plan.

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ironic

Posted on September 27, 2006. Filed under: School |

I find it ironic that for my Planning and Scheduling class the prof has not given us the outline for our assignment, or due dates, and he is running behind by a full lecture according to his syllabus, but let us out an hour and a half early today.

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part of the age problem

Posted on September 26, 2006. Filed under: Uncategorized |

I think I figured out part of the age problem and why it bothers me when people point out that I’m “young”. Up until the past 2 years it’s NEVER come up. Never! And I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I’ll talk to anyone anywhere regardless of age. I have friends and acquaintances 20 or 30 years older than me and some younger. I don’t get hung up on age — my hang up is on intelligence. If you aren’t intelligent enough to carry on a conversation, regardless of your age then you’re done in my books. Age has nothing to do with the brainpower you have — it does, I’ll grant you have to do with experience. Yes, with age does come wisdom and experience, but intelligence doesn’t always come with age.

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stupid cold. stupid medicine.

Posted on September 25, 2006. Filed under: Uncategorized |

I’m finally on the mend from the evil cold that knocked me out mid-week last week. I was not impressed. I hate being sick, especially when it means missing work, but I got some medicine from the doctor — cough suppressant. Oh my god that stuff was strong! It knocked me out for two days and I think I was allergic to it because I had wicked bad side effects going on — I stopped taking it after those 2 days and am finally ready to get back into the swing of things — so ready because I’m SO bored, which is making me SO depressed!

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i wish i could go

Posted on September 24, 2006. Filed under: Music |

Craig’s having a show with limited release albumbs – a very smart idea. I only wish I lived closer to Ottawa so that I could go! I also don’t see any Toronto shows any time soon — but I hope I’ll be able to go to the next one, whenever it may be.

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family on trip and the past

Posted on September 23, 2006. Filed under: Family |

I was able to speak at length with my grandmother’s half-cousin, with whom she was very close and my great-auntie dorothy and I discovered a lot of things about my grandparents. Some of which were upsetting and I discreetly tried to wipe a few tears away as they were telling me things that I guess I had been piecing together since they died, but still don’t like to hear up front.

One being that my grandmother wasn’t happy in her marriage or in Canada. She and my grandfather met in a Woolworth’s one day and my aunt believed that she had pity for my grandfather, who had a hard life and grew up in an orphanage. Dorothy told me that my grandma said that she thought love would come later.

I was shocked to learn that my grandmother didn’t go to her brother’s wedding because they were inseprable, but she and my grandfather had already booked a trip to Switzerland. She also left, when her brother was dying, to come back to Canada a few days before he died. She and I are more similar than I knew. I missed coming back to Canada to see my grandfather before he died and though I was home from Vancouver when she died, I missed her too. At least I know now that she would understand, and that helps.

I guess the thing is that when I grew up here, in the same house with them (they upstairs, us in the apartment downstairs), I never would have imagined that my grandparents had anything but love for one another and maybe it did finally come. Maybe it did grow out of 60 years of marriage and I cannot doubt that at the end they did love each other, but I never really questioned until after this recent trip the fact that they did have separate worlds. My grandfather down in the sunroom, my grandmother up in the living room. Separate bedrooms. I always assumed that this was what happened when you got older, but I see now that it was the only way for them to manage a marriage. Now, I do know that there were happy times, but I also have to wonder if there were ever affairs. My grandmother was incredibly stunning and my grandfather was very handsome and often away on business. I guess that’s something I will never know.

When she was home to visit her brother on his death bed, he said to her “you look so drab, Mab”. Shocking because the grandma I knew always wore crazy colours and was bright and lively. Perhaps his death was a turning point for her.

I was never allowed to ask my grandfather about his family. It was assumed that he wanted nothing to do with them. All I knew was that his mother died at a young age. he had a brother and a father who remarried, and the boys were put into an orphanage. Dr. Barnardo’s. I wish I knew how to even start trying to track his brother down through them, but I don’t even have a name. I guess I have parents’ names.

I just found out, after years of assuming that he didn’t want to know them, that my grandparents tried to track his father down when they were newly married. They didn’t find him. I doubt I would either, but it’s nice to have the permission now to try. I want to see if there are more family connections out there.

I do know that he was turned out onto the streets around the age of 12 and that he became a self-taught engineer and didn’t have to serve in the war because he was building tanks and was therefore an essential service. My grandmother worked at Kodak during the war — film was definitely essential. This bit about the Kodak factory I didn’t know until I met with the guardians of my past on this last trip.

I also didn’t know that my great-grandmother, my grandmother’s mom was institutionalized. I couldn’t really get anyone to committ an answer as to what was her illness, and I can only conclude that it was a “mental” illness… whatever that could have been at the time — women were labelled with so many in the past that it could have been something that is curable today, but she was in there for the remainder of her life. I wonder if there’s a way to find out where she was or what she had; what she died of.

My great-grandfather, who worked high up with the railways over in England, had remarried a woman named Ivy. Neither my grandmother nor her brother went to the wedding. He had to get a divorce from their beloved mother in order to remarry and they definitely didn’t think that was right.

Then there’s the clock. My great-grandfather had promised a granddaughter clock to my aunt and I would give anything to find it now for her. It was a retirement gift and had his name, Clarence Wise, engraved on the front. It went with the new wife, and therefore fell out of the family and she’ll never forget or forgive it.

And I feel a real sense of closure, of completion and happiness for having finished this trip that was started three years ago. And I still miss them both tremendously.

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96% of men still ask?

Posted on September 23, 2006. Filed under: Marriage |

I heard on the radio today that 96% of men still ask the father’s permission for a woman’s hand in marriage before asking her. I was a bit surprised that the number would be so high. So I thought I’d ask you — did your hubby or fiance as your dad first? Was that something you liked? Did your dad say no? Haha. What happens then?

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i am still sick

Posted on September 23, 2006. Filed under: Uncategorized |

I never stay home from work when I’m sick…because I’m usually not THAT sick. But this week I was off for 2 days and I still feel awful. The violent coughing has stopped, but I’ve literally not left my bed for more than a couple of hours and could go straight back to bed right now, in fact I likely will. I think the cough just sucked everything out of me. Stupid plane coughing girl definitely got me sick. I am not impressed, but it’s possible that it could have turned into pneumonia if I’d left it. Luckily the symptoms have almost stopped. Exciting life, I know.

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