the quantification of me
Whenever I start to feel like I’m not measuring up, or I’m not as far ahead in life as I thought I’d be, or people keep reminding me that I’m young (which almost always actually means they think I’ve done nothing and am incapable of doing anything well), I feel the need to quantify my life. It makes me feel better to see that I actually have accomplished quite a bit in my life. But instead of listing everything like a resume, I thought quantifying it would make me feel better, so here it goes:
I am currently 26 years old.
I started working (if you don’t count babysitting) when I was 15.
In those 11 years I have had 13 different jobs (all of which were at least a year in duration; often more) at 11 different companies.
I have completed 1 undergraduate degree and 1 masters degree. I am working on a post-grad certificate.
I have volunteered with 14 different organizations with long-term obligations.
I have had 10 poems published in 3 publications, and 1 short story in a 4th. I have written, and had published 4 articles for 2 newspapers, and 1 thesis in a real, live book anthology.
I completed through to grade 5 conservatory level piano in 4 years.
I have had 3 long-term boyfriends.
I have been to England 4 times, Europe once, and the US more times than I can count.
I have been to 8 countries, 6 of the 13 provinces and/or territories and 31 of the United States of America.
I have lived in 3 cities, but have moved bedrooms 8 times.
I have produced 2 plays.
I have read more books than I know.
Now that you have my metrics (am I missing any that you’d like to know?), I realize that the prediciment I’m in is that I know all of these things, and they don’t seem spectacular or like they even happened. They each seem like entirely different past lives; past versions of me that don’t seem to amount to much in the moment — in the now.
Sometimes I feel like this is it — that sure, I’ve done a lot, and that there’ll be not too much more to do (or at least not at the pace that I’ve maintained in the past) and sometimes I want more and sometimes I don’t.