cold-hearted romantic that i am

Posted on February 24, 2006. Filed under: Marriage, The boy(s) |

Brian has aptly termed me a “cold-hearted romantic”. I think that he’s pretty much hit the nail on the head.

I was thinking this morning about why I’ve always been so adverse to getting married. I mean, now if I ever do, I’ll never hear the end of it from everyone I know. I think it must have started with the idea that I never wanted to get divorced paired with the idea that marriage wasn’t necessary and it was too conventional. I’m not religious, so i never thought that it was necessary to get married — why did I need that little piece of paper? It all seemed so contrived and pointless, especially when so many people can just throw the committment away with divorce.

I never imagined my wedding as a little girl. I never wanted to wear the gown or walk down the aisle. Not once. BUT, when I was a little girl, I did imagine being proposed to. Never by anyone in particular, just a sort of faceless guy in my daydreams, and I always said yes. I never imagined details that had to be there, but I was always shedding happy tears. So, perhaps the romantic in me would live for the moment of being swept off my feet, but the logical practical cold-hearted side just can’t get to the practicality of having a big wedding. Or the necessity of it.

Marriage as geneologically romantic is an interesting idea that I like. So many stories come from marriages and births and deaths. The cycles we’re stuck to.

I guess I’ve also never thought that I was “marriageable”, but I think that I’ve found someone who might just, one day, take me just the way I am, and that’s cool. If not, that’s cool too. The indifference is part of this whole marriage problem too. I just don’t really care and have never prioritized it. Too damn self-sufficient. That’s my theory.

Thanks for reading the random rambling.


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