Archive for January 28th, 2006

lessons in drunken-ness from different parts of the globe

Posted on January 28, 2006. Filed under: Drinking |

Some drunken memories have come back to me, and I want to share the lessons I’ve learned so that you can benefit from my wisdom:

1. Vancouver, BC – when drinking several pitchers from 11:30 am (after class) until about 5:00 am, do not take your cel phone. Not only will you make 43 phone calls you don’t remember, you may also say things that cause people to stop speaking with you

2. Montreal, QC – after arriving at a bar at midnight, do not think you have to catch up to everyone by drinking 3 rounds of 10 shots. The bars are open late here — also, upon leaving the bar, do not try to kick someone with both of your feet at once

3. Kingston, ON – after going to ritual on St. Patrick’s day, do not try to go to the cafeteria (and get kicked out and try to sneak back in again). You could get kicked out of your residency

4. Georgetown, ON – when drinking underage in a ravine, do not run away from the cops because you may end up in a swamp and have to wade through mud that is up past your knees. Also, do not try to lie when your parents pick you up at 11:00. They know what you’ve been up to.

5. London, England – learn what time the tube stops running, and alternate routes of how to get home because after going to an after-hours bar in soho, you won’t be able to find your way back to Putney very easily

6. Glasgow, Scotland – when drinking with Jason Mraz and his band at someone’s apartment, do steal the film from the camera that you’ve been taking photos on all night — you’ll see them again in Toronto and will be able to return the photos

7. Toronto, Ontario – when drinking excessively because you hate your job, do not miss the last bus that can take you home and be grateful that your ex boyfriend will come and pick you up after not speaking to you because of a drunken phone call (see number 1)

8. Dingle, Ireland – when drinking in Dingle, everything works out because everyone’s Irish and therefore everyone’s drinking a lot and you can act however you want to

9. Washington, DC, USA – when the drinking age is 21, you can still get into the clubs. Do have the best night of your life with the greatest new friends you’ve ever met. Do walk around Washington until 6:00 am and lay with your feet against the bottom of the Washington Monument and stare up at the stars as they spin by. Also go up on the roof of your hotel and have a few, just for kicks.

10. Georgetown, Ontario – do have that party with 300 people when you’re 16. It will be memorable and your parents will get over it.

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