Archive for January 21st, 2006

the dyingness in summary

Posted on January 21, 2006. Filed under: Candida, The Dyingness |

How, after 2 1/2 years can they STILL not know what is wrong with me? What I refer to as “the dyingness”: I have now seen a family doctor, a GI, a tongue idiot (see post on “the tongue idiot”), and a naturopath. They are also now referring me to an OBGYN and an osteopath! I mean, come on. So at first I was feeling really tired and out of it and just not well and the family doctor check blood levels, stds, etc. Everything came back negatively, which I guess was a good thing, but my b12 was low (like nearly 800 points too low) but the doctor said it wasn’t low enough to get a shot. Freakin hell, it was only 20 points above survival level!

So the dyingness continued.

Then it got worse: chronic, sharp pain in the lower abdomin. So, after asking me 8000000 times if I were pregnant (and the fact that they disregarded the continuous “no’s” they sent me to get an ultrasound upon which the technician was concerned and told me to come back to the ER if it got worse.

It did. It got a lot worse.

So after returning to the ER and waiting for 3 hours and convincing more people that “no, I’m not pregnant” they say go home and take an asprin.

GO HOME AND TAKE AN ASPRIN! Are you fucking kidding me?

I go back to see the GI and he claims that I might have Crones, so he sends me off for a barium swallow. Which, for the record, takes at least 3 hours as you swallow chalk and they take a few xrays of you as you wriggle around on a cold steel table.

Results: Negative.

They now ask me if I’m crazy.

Yes, the pain that woke me up a few days ago is fictional. I am making the whole thing up.

Onto the GI who immediately does a gastroscopy and a colonoscopy.


He actually said to me in the post-op room “I’m very surprised to tell you that we found nothing”.


Now onto the catscan of the abdomin. For this I get to drink more radioactive stuff and sit while I learn that the machine has broken down and they are behind. Wow, are they every behind. After they do the ER patients and the in-patients, they start with me for the out-patients (2 hours late).


In steps the naturopath who seems very concerned and focuses on the very high ESR level (58) which indicates inflammation in the body, but no one can find out why.

So I start on a diet of no wheat, sugar or dairy. Not as hard to do as I thought it would be…

But then things start to hurt again: food sensitivity testing comes in now.


And so I start treatment through diet for Candida. And again, it’s not that hard, you just can’t eat many things. So that feels under control for a few months and then the pain returns.

And it’s back and the tongue is gross and I can’t hold vitamins in my body, and the doctor’s say “you’re fine it’s all in your head”.


All in my head. I’m telling you if my mind is that powerful I should be feared.

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folic acid and lack of b12 – awesome, i’m dying

Posted on January 21, 2006. Filed under: Candida |

Just so I have this info saved somewhere:

Folic acid (works with B12) is found in yeast, liver, green vegetables, whole grain cereals and many other foods.

itamin B12 cannot be absorbed or used by the body until it is combined with a mucoprotein made in the stomach and called intrinsic factor. Once the B12 becomes bound to the intrinsic factor, it is able to pass into the small intestine to be absorbed and used by the body. Vitamin B12 deficiency is sometimes seen in strict vegetarians who do not take vitamin supplements, and those who have an inability to absorb the vitamin (usually from a failure to produce intrinsic factor). Although enough B12 is stored in the liver to sustain a person for many years, a deficiency will cause a disorder known as pernicious anemia. Pernicious anemia causes weakness, numbness of the extremities, pallor, fever and other symptoms. Mouth irritation and brain damage are also common consequences of B12 deficiency. However, these very serious effects can be reversed by vitamin B12 shots. Shots are needed because the deficiency is often caused by an inability to absorb the vitamin when taken orally. As we age, our stomachs have an increasingly difficult time producing intrinsic factor.

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like ripping off a band-aid

Posted on January 21, 2006. Filed under: Uncategorized |

So we’re back together and it’s actually great — way different than I thought it would be. I wonder how I could go so quickly from your phone calls annoying me to actually wanting to have the phone ring. Persistence and resistance — apparently they work well. I mean I’ve been resisting for so long to define the reality of the situation and I’m pretty sure it’s just a committment issue (could be why I’m not a fan of the whole marriage thing), but after having an intense conversation about why we shouldn’t be together, I left the room to wipe off the tears and returned with only one line to say: “okay, fine, let’s just be together now”. It felt like ripping off a band-aid: just do it quickly and there won’t be any pain — except instead of pain I was worried that if that exact minute passed I wouldn’t get up the courage again and would change my mind. Damn how the mighty have fallen. Is it bad that I think the fact that we now live in different countries for the next 6 months or so a good thing? You have me pegged as a cold-hearted romantic, and you’re the only one who has been able to define me so specifically. Wow — these blogs are dangerous things when it comes to rambling on with what everyone else must find pointless. But I must say they’re also highly addictive.

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old friends?

Posted on January 21, 2006. Filed under: Uncategorized |

I just ran into a friend from high school — Kristen. Isn’t it odd how life separates us all? It’s like we’re all just flying around bumping into people and the memories are what keep us going. Have you ever had a reunion with people from years ago; you don’t spend as much time trying to catch up on each other’s current lives as you do reminiscing, and it’s nice. Nostalgia and remembering and those people we bump into along the way are what define us. I don’t know that it has ever really bothered me when people drift away. I do the same thing — as long as you can play catch up every year or couple of years or so it’s actually kind of nice: keeping tabs, keeping memories.

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b12 % of daily intake

Posted on January 21, 2006. Filed under: Uncategorized |

With the severe B12 deficiency I have I’ve decided to try to eat more than I need each day to see if that changes anything. Apparently you need 3 micrograms a day…So here’s my list of what to eat.

What foods provide vitamin B12?
Vitamin B12 is naturally found in animal foods including fish, meat, poultry, eggs, milk, and milk products.

Mollusks, clam, mixed species, cooked, 3 ounces = 84.1 mcg
Liver, beef, braised, 1 slice = 47.9 mcg
Trout, rainbow, wild, cooked, 3 ounces = 5.4 mcg
Salmon, sockeye, cooked, 3 ounces = 4.9 mcg
Trout, rainbow, farmed, cooked, 3 ounces = 4.2 mcg
Beef, top sirloin, lean, choice, broiled, 3 ounces = 2.4 mcg
Haddock, cooked, 3 ounces = 1.2 mcg
Tuna, white, canned in water, drained solids, 3 ounces = 1.0 mcg
Pork, cured, ham, lean only, canned, roasted, 3 ounces = 0.6 mcg
Egg, whole, hard boiled, 1 = 0.6 mcg
Chicken, breast, meat only, roasted, ½ breast = 0.3 mcg

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the year of magical thinking

Posted on January 21, 2006. Filed under: Books |

I haven’t mentioned that I finished this book this week and it was perfect. Here’s a bit of the text that I loved reading:

We are imperfect mortal beings, aware of that mortality even as we push it away, failed by our very complication, so wired that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or for worse, ourselves. As we were. As we are no longer. As we sill one day not be at all.

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the marriage curse

Posted on January 21, 2006. Filed under: Uncategorized |

Have you noticed that no one ever tells you the magical marriage age is 25? There is a sudden spike in friends who have decided to make this “committment” to one another in this year of being alive. Every time I open the local paper or the alumni review they stare at me; dozens of smiling faces of people I know, or knew before they coupled off. I mean if it’ll make you happy and you really want to be with this other person for the rest of your life then go for it, but at 25 I highly doubt you can make this substantial decision. For goodness sake, I haven’t even been able to maintain a relationship for more than 1 year let alone be with someone long enough to decide I simply can’t live without them. Perhaps the problem is self-sufficience: I know I can live without anyone. Kind of ruins that romantic vibe that people try to have going on. The race is on to see which of these will remain “starter” marriages and which will continue on into eternity.

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stats loser

Posted on January 21, 2006. Filed under: Stats |

Okay, I’ll admit it…I’m a loser because I’m obsessed with stats. For example, I’m excited that my highest number of visits to my blog so far (in one day) is 6. A fairly insignificant number, but at least it’s one to beat. I’ll keep you posted when we reach a new record high.

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canadian content – vote liberal or we’re doomed!

Posted on January 21, 2006. Filed under: Politics |

Tonight’s election coverage on Canadian Air Farce and This Hour Has 22 Minutes was superb. Equating Harper to both the devil (when hell freezes over) and a robot, as well as pleading for Liberal votes. Let’s face it, if the conservatives get into power we can basically kiss funding for the arts good-bye. No more grants, no more small publishers, no more music programs. Let’s see — we can also say good-bye to the economy being in good condition (which means I can’t buy a house anytime soon), Quebec (Alberta will likely follow suit), oh and basic human rights and freedoms. Abortions and gay marriages are soon to be overturned (because we’re living in what, 1952?). The ridiculousness of whatever trance the conservatives have the country in is baffling. Can’t wait to hear the people complaining as soon as we join the war in Iraq. Mr. Bush, meet your counterpart — together (with Blair), you can be a triad of distruction and stupidity.

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